This is going to be one of things that we don't like to say out loud...at least when it is not whispered behind our hands and preempted with a pseudo-pitying "Ahhhh shame....". I am nervous about this post sounding mean-spirited, and I want to assure you before I get into it that it is not. Or at least not intended that way. Or maybe if a post is mean and the writer knows it is mean then it is intended as mean-spirited...but surely...ok enough waffling, I will just get to it, shall I?
How this came about is that the weekend before last was the International Oriental Dance Festival. This festival is a huge event on any Cape Town belly dancer's calendar- and even a few international ones- and one we start working towards pretty much from January. This year we were lucky enough to perform on both the Saturday and Sunday and although I didn't get to see as much of the performances as I would have liked, it was still a great day.
However, there was one performance I did see. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it was one of the most abysmal things I have ever seen in my life. I would never mention who the dancer was (to be honest I didn't get her name) but her dancing was absolutely shocking and watching her performance made me die a little inside. The worst thing (or maybe the best thing?) was that she was completely unaware of the fact that her performance was atrocious. She was having a great time and thoroughly enjoying herself- in fact, she seemed to thrive on stage.
It was not that I didn't like the style or the music or that it just wasn't to my taste. No, I wish it was one of these things and I could diplomatically say: "It was not my cup of tea". It was her dancing itself that was terrible. I am sorry, there is just no way to sugarcoat it.
So my issue is this- at what point in our dance career do we feel we are good enough to take the stage? And if that point never comes, do we say: "To hell with it!" and take it anyway, or should we sit on the sidelines, never allowing ourselves to enjoy our moment in the sun?
I am in two minds about this. Have you ever watched someone auditioning on Pop Idols, X-Factor or one of those dreadfully addictive reality shows and thought, "Hell...why didnt her parents/ friends/ boyfriend tell her she couldn't sing and save her embarrassing herself in front of the whole country? Surely if your loved ones can't be honest with you, then who can? And I am not talking about those singing slightly off tune...I am talking about the ones that cause you to crinkle up your face with equal parts horror on their behalf and equal parts morbid fascination, as they belt out an unrecognizable rendition of Whitney's "I will always love youuuuuu" Of course, these are the very same people that always glare at Randall/ Simon/ Hated (yet usually bang on the money) Judge in shocked defiance when they are told that they are, in fact,
not going to be the next Adele and that they should maybe re-look at their future career. This is usually followed by them cursing the judges and storming off with an unsolicited, "You will be sorry! I will
never give up on my dream!"....and you kind of hope that somewhere down the line they, in fact,
do.
Now this woman was a strong contestant for the belly equivalent of the Idols Bloopers awards. But she didnt seem to realise it. In fact, I have seen her do this dance before and she seems to thoroughly enjoy it. There is definitely no lack of confidence there.
Although there is a time and a place for new dancers to perform, I firmly maintain that to take on a stage is an honour. Being allowed to perform for an audience is an honour, and with that priviledge comes responsibility. You are representing the art form as a whole. I am not talking about a troupe dance or dancing for fun at a haffla- this will change the dynamics- I am talking about performing as a solo act on an international stage.
There is a fine line between having big dreams and believing in yourself and being realistic about your talents of lack thereof. The question is, where do we draw this line?
There are varying standards in belly dance, and everyone has their own taste and opinion of what they find to be good. I definitely dont think I am the world's best dancer, or that I am God's Gift to my audience. I constantly doubt myself and my ability. But I do think I am realistic about what I can and what I cannot do- of my strengths and weaknesses- and if I am performing for an audience I make sure I play within my areas of strength and what I feel I am good at, and stay away from my murkier areas. There are different contexts and occasions where one can experiment and try something new...and sometimes, it works. But I do feel that unless we are 100% confident about our performance, it is maybe not fair to inflict it on our audience.
And then, the other side of me (the much nicer little angel on my shoulder) thinks that I am being a bit of a self-righteous biaaaatch. If someone loves to move, who am I to say that they cannot get up on a stage and dance their heart out? If it makes them happy and they are doing it for them, who cares what I, or anyone else for that matter, may think? And even a hard-assed critic like myself always loves seeing the joy light up someone's face when they are doing what makes them blissfully happy.
I guess the bottom line, and why I feel the way I do comes down to this: For me, performing is actually about
giving. You are giving of yourself to your audience and you are doing it for them. Great if you are enjoying it too! But they are your first and foremost priority and dancing for them should be treated like the honour it is. Performing for an audience is actually a favour they are paying us- they are giving us their undivided attention and we better damn well make it worth their while...because they dont
have to watch us.
And that is something that we should never forget.
